When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about this interview and its many confounding aspects. The one aspect that followed me around the kitchen, as I picked up behind my I’ll-take care-of-it-after-school-teen, was a statement made by Meghan Markle. She was responding to the interviewer’s (Oprah) questions regarding the reason the royal family decided to remove security and the royal title from her son:
“there were concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born…….”
When I first heard it, my eyes were as wide as Oprah’s as she followed up with additional questions. I was disappointed that a family that seemed to embrace a biracial, American, outsider and her mother would hold any reservations simply based on skin tone. I watched the wedding and was so encouraged by Prince Charles’s demeanor toward Doria Ragland. There was no hint of any distance or discomfort toward her. They even had a black Holy Ghost preacher perform the ceremony! Not to mention that amazing black choir and cellist. I thought, “Wow, this is a new day! For the family to approve all of this must mean that they are excited that inclusiveness could be the way forward for the monarchy. A way in which they could deliberately and intentionally lead the country and the world through their example.” These were not actually my exact thoughts, they are edited here for clarity in case anyone is literal or a stickler for exactness.
But really, can’t you hear “We are the World” playing in the background right now? I heard it, but then the record scratched and I’m back to:
“there were concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born”
OK, not so fast, brain of mine! How dare you spend another moment “tsking” the BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY when that same sentiment is RAMPANT in your own country. AND get this, this conversation happens rampantly in communities of color!
These things right here, have happened and are currently happening in the United States:
- Parents and grandparents of biracial kids rejoice that their kid didn’t get “the black side” ie, physical features, of the gene pool.
- Grandmothers and mothers warn their offspring not to date someone because “they’re too dark”.
- People of color picking/passing over darker qualified dating candidates in favor of lighter ones.
- Lighter skin kids being coached to stay out of the sun or overly insecure about their skin tone darkening.
- Darker skinned people of color experiencing discrimination in their own families and communities.
So what does this have to do with the royals? Keep reading, please. I’ll get to that.
Some offenders (of the above bullets) like to dismiss such white supremacist inspired non-sense as “preference” or the desire to see their kids have a life uncomplicated by blackness or otherness. But be sure, these “preferences” are what keep white supremacy alive and kicking. They have real-life implications and consequences. Many of us ascribe to the faulty logic of “whiter/lighter is better” whether ignorantly and or with full knowledge of its insidiousness. This logic has repercussions that benefit some and devastate others. The sad truth is that we all know that there is a societal disadvantage correlated with black features. The darker you are, the more inferior you are. Whether it be cultural, aesthetic, or intellectual, there is still a bias against blackness. There, I said it. This is why a “lovely”, “Christian”, white, woman once told me that she didn’t want her kids to marry a black person. She knew that life would be harder and that her grandchildren would not have the same benefits of having two white parents. You may now clutch them pearls again! She was bold enough to say that to me. Of course, she told me this as a “reformed” anti-miscengenationist (anti-miscengenationist : this is not a word, but it is a thing.) Supposedly she no longer held these views at the time. However, further observations of her actions, reactions, and behaviors later led me to conclude she was very much a racist.
Isn’t that right, MRS. SHELLIE AVEREE????
Just kidding, her name is not Shellie Averee, though the story is true. Sorry about that digression, but the story helps illustrate my point.
When it comes to race, we all have to do the deep work. Ask your white, black, brown, or yellow self this: “Assuming good intentions and a good match for my child, IF my child, were to marry someone with very dark skin and “black” features, would I”:
- Celebrate them?
- Be proud of them?
- Embrace their (in-laws) family?
- Be disappointed if my grandchildren turned out to be very dark or have clearly “black” features?
- Be concerned about these grand-kids receiving any unfair treatment because of what they look like?
If you answered anything other than an excited “YES!” for 1-3 or “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” for 4-5, then there is work to be done. And guess what? It is OK. There is not one human being who does not have biases. However, we are responsible for checking ourselves when those biases appear. Self-checks prevent us from harming others and from perpetuating or supporting the oppressive systems around us. And these systems exist across races, socioeconomic classes, geography, and every other demography.
Note: I am particularly focused on “dark” skin and “black” features because those are the characteristics addressed in the interview that is the catalyst for this post. But please, go further and insert other ethnic physical features in the blank and test yourself.
I guess the point is, no matter how “colorblind” people claim to be, melanin (or the lack thereof) impacts the tone and the melody of one’s trajectory. Skin color does not create this power, human pride does.
We do.
Us.
You and I.
We keep it going and we can stop it.
Everyone seems to be afraid of racism. Afraid to experience it, afraid to perpetrate it, afraid to be accused of it. Interestingly, few want to take the risk to stop it . Why? Because there is a cost to do so. Cost? Yes, there is the sacrifice of potential advantages, at least until skin color no longer holds any advantage or disadvantage. For anyone. This could take a whole life time. For many, this is not an easy “Yes”.
To be sure, if you, as an individual speak out on race, or stand up against racial inequities you will be disadvantaged in some way. If you insist on racial equality, people will seek to silence you. The silencing strategy might be blatant and direct such as the use of fear, terror, or violence. Conversely, the approach could be subtle and manipulative: gas-lighting, feigned ignorance, blame-shifting (“No, you’re racist”), withholding of benefits. This latter silencing tactic is the most powerful and most frequently employed. Subtle manipulation is easier to deploy, harder to prove, and has the most significant impact. Plus, people don’t really feel that badly about it, as conscience disappears beneath the cloak of “comfort”. Let’s hear it for the skillful manipulators out there! Woot. That is not a real cheer, because that behavior is not cool. I do not condone it.
So, in conclusion, as uncomfortable as it may be, this issue is not going anywhere until we become intentional about dislodging it from the fabric of our society, our communities, our homes, and our own hearts. The silencers will keep trying to make this go away, with Dave Copperfieldesque illusions. But we will all know that it is still there. Refuse to be manipulated into accepting the impossible.
Here is my takeaway: The thing that we are afraid of is the thing that we continue to support but also the thing we have the power to eliminate. Imagine being afraid of the dark, yet so paralyzed with fear that you refuse to get up and find the light switch. This is the kind of fear that what we must overcome.
Today’s OUCH!!! scripture comes from Matthew 7:3-5. Plenty of prayers can be prayed from this posture:
3And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye, 5 Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
That’s all for now. Love you.
blackandwhiteandshadesofgreen 